


counting down now

by neocxxlture



Series: end to start [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers, M/M, ive been told its kinda sad, meeting again after time apart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 20:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18667801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neocxxlture/pseuds/neocxxlture
Summary: If Guanheng is being honest with himself, he‘d admit that he didn’t think he’d ever see Dejun again.





	counting down now

**Author's Note:**

> [prompt n.4](https://twitter.com/paperplane_127/status/1115887335470768129) as requested by the lovely mari <3 lov u

If Guanheng is being honest with himself, he‘d admit that he didn’t think he’d ever see Dejun again.

It has been years. It’s been so long ago he last saw him that Guanheng needs to look twice and close to be sure that yes, it really is him, the lines of his eyes, his smile, his posture all familiar but strange at the same time.

He seems to have grown up, grown into his skin. It’s weird to see him stand so straight and so confident, so unlike the shy boy Guanheng‘s kept in his memories. The two images war against each other now – the teenager in Guanheng’s mind, red-faced with embarrassment, hair a mess, clothes rumpled and mismatched and this adult in front of him now, clothes crisp and color-coordinated, hairstyle of an idol, little bit of eyepencil lining his delicate eyes.

The only thing that remains are the glasses. Seeing that sort of eases Guanheng’s nerves, if only a little bit. It is somewhat of a proof that maybe Dejun didn’t change that much, despite his current appearance; that he’s still the same boy Guanheng had a crush on for most of his middle school years.

But of course he isn’t. He’s talking to Kun now, and when he laughs he throws his entire head back and laughs loud and bright, entire body screaming with happiness. That’s something that’s brand new. Something that makes Guanheng’s heart thud deep in his chest.

He wonders what else is new about him.

\--

Dejun told Guanheng he was leaving quite abruptly. Only a few days before his departure, he casually mentioned it during conversation, like it wasn’t a big deal at all.

He was going to move to another part of the world, he’d said. His father had gotten promoted, and so the entire family decided to follow wherever he would go. Dejun, his mother, his brothers, all were coming with. He wasn’t able to say how long they would stay. He didn’t know whether they’d come back.

\--

It’s weird, to talk to Dejun again.

Guanheng can’t really put his finger on why, however. They are still friends. They behave like friends; they know each other, so of course they are. But Guanheng can’t help but feel like there is a chasm between them, even when they stand next to each other. How do you talk to someone you used to know through and through who now seems like a stranger?

Dejun doesn’t seem to share his worries, though. There isn’t anything about his behaviour that would suggest that he thinks about that, about their friendship years and years ago. Guanheng guesses that’s another thing that stayed constant about him; he’d always lived in the moment, while Guanheng was hung up on things past.

They’re at a coffeeshop, because Ten got a craving for green tea. They stand in line waiting to order, and Guanheng surveys the chalkboards, finds a drink that suits his tastes, and waits until it is his turn.

Dejun stands before him, laughing at something Yukhei is saying. Guanheng watches his profile, the lovely curves of it, the way his adam’s apple bobs up and down when he talks.

Before Dejun orders his own drink, he turns to Guanheng quite unexpedly, and asks _you still drink only lattes?_

And for a second Guanheng stays frozen in his spot, while the words translate from noise to information in his head. He nods, with a second of a delay, because he does, yes.

Dejun turns to the cashier, places both their orders. Guanheng is left staring at the back of his head, not quite understanding what exactly just happened.

His heart thuds heavy in his chest. Dejun remembers that Guanheng likes his coffee milky, and that shouldn’t be in any way a big deal, shouldn’t make him so nervous, so jittery suddenly – but here he is, with a mind full of white noise, Dejun still standing next to him while they wait for their orders, calm and smiling like he hasn’t just rocked Guanheng’s world with simple five words.

He hands him his drink even, when the barista calls for them. Guanheng manages only a weak _thanks_ , and has to look away when Dejun directs his attention at him, white teeth and all.

Guanheng is five years older than he was when he saw Dejun last, but Dejun still makes him feel the same way he used to – maybe even more so now that Guanheng’s matured a bit, that he’s made more sense of his head, of his feelings.

They sit at a table, all seven of them, Guanheng between Dejun and Ten. It’s a tight squeeze in the rather small space, so it can’t be helped that they have their thighs pressed to each other, that they knock elbows or brush shoulders.

Dejun keeps smiling at him, too. Guanheng feels like his heart can only take so much before it bursts.

\--

Guanheng doesn’t realise just exactly when or how, but he notices that Dejun had become a part of his life, once again.

It’s not like he doesn’t want him to, he reckons. Guanheng likes Dejun, and he’s glad that they still talk, that they’re not awkward acquaintances or casual friends, but he cannot help but feel that he is owed an explanation or an apology.

Dejun had promised, before he left, that they would keep in touch. Guanheng had tried, had called, texted and waited, but Dejun broke off contact without a word, without anything. Guanheng had felt hurt and left behind, and all those feelings return each time he sees him even if he doesn’t want them to.

Dejun – Dejun is different. He lets himself show his emotions in ways he never used to before, and his face becomes an open book that Guanheng is allowed to read from as he pleases. And what he finds there makes him pause, sometimes.

\--

He does say to him one evening, when they’re walking side by side on their way home, which happens to be in the same direction. They‘ve parted with the rest of the group at a bus stop, and now they’re silently making their way down deserted sidewalks.

Somehow, the conversation shifts, and Dejun says, very simply, “You know, I’m sorry. For leaving.“

For a long time, those were the only words Guanheng wanted to hear from him. “It’s not your fault.“

“Still.“ Dejun insists, and when Guanheng looks he stares right back, intense and honest. Guanheng burns from the inside out.

“Well, you’re here now, aren’t you?“ he asks, voice quieter than he means.

Dejun searches his face, for a moment, before he reaches out, slowly. “I am.“ His fingers feel cold when they slip between Guanheng‘s, but he holds onto them tightly.

\--

The confessions come out between kisses in the darkness of Dejun’s dorm room.

They didn’t talk about Dejun’s time abroad, after he came back. It is like a floodgate opens, now; Dejun recounts the years he’d spent away, his feelings, his regrets. And Guanheng listens and holds onto him and understands; and all his previous anger ebbs out of him, until all that remains is his love.

Guanheng whispers it to his skin, _I should have told you a long time ago._

 _You told me now,_ Guanheng whispers back. _That’s all that matters._

**Author's Note:**

> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/neocxxlture) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/paperplane_127)


End file.
